Passion Led Us Here
After being a therapist for 5 years and a coach for 10, I have become pretty good at listening and asking powerful questions, and partnering with my clients to formulate a strategy to get from A to B. But still, I have opinions which I know are always risky to share, and I sometimes walks a fine line between coaching and advice-giving.
One of the more challenging moments of my career was about 10 years ago when a client of mine was ready to give up on her dream of becoming a doctor because she felt “crazy” herself. She was so bought into the medical model that there was something wrong with her because of the huge amount of anxiety she was feeling. Her solution was to drop out of medical school and get herself on anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications.
I was in no place to recommend anything regarding medication, but I asked her permission to share my opinion on what I saw. Luckily she agreed to hear me out, and I put her into the context of what I saw. I saw a very big-hearted, passionate, caring woman who is also a minority in this country with massive familial performance pressure trying to excel in a system which is run on a model of diagnosis and illness with little room for doubt, insecurity or emotion. She was judging herself in this context and diagnosing herself as incapable and broken. I probably crossed the line from coaching into advice-giving, and yet, her passion seemed to bring this out in me. I shared my vision for her: that she believe wholeheartedly that it was okay for her to feel anxious, scared, uncertain, doubtful, but that she continue to do her best each day, because she had a very powerful vision for what it meant to be a doctor, and what it meant to heal people.
We worked on and off with each other for about 7 years and this was very hard work for her. We met many times when she was at a quitting point, and I would ask her again if I could remind her of that vision. She always said yes, and she continued to work toward accepting and channeling her feelings, and doing the work she needed to do to pass her courses, build rapport with her professors and other mentors, and eventually pass her board exams and get placed.
She is now graduated from medical school, in her residency, just won resident of the year, and is inspiring people all over with her drive, passion, and vision for true healing between patient and doctor. She continues to get awards and is spreading a vision for residents and doctors to learn the social and emotional intelligence needed to be present with patients to promote the greatest healing possible. She likely would not have had seen past the possibility that she was broken, and I possibly crossed the line in telling her my vision and opinion for her. But I’m glad I did.
It’s very likely when she opens her practice, I’ll be the first in line to experience her skill, presence, and care as a doctor.
[2024 - Update from this client who got back in touch with me about 15 years after I wrote this, she is practicing as a psychiatrist at a Harvard medical center and still orienting to that vision, learning and growing as she continues to serve and heal her patients.]