Do you ever...Yearn?
Season 3 of the hit series Seinfeld starts off with a fantastic conversation between Kramer and George on life:
Kramer: Do you ever yearn?
George: Yearn? Do I yearn?
Kramer: I yearn.
George: You yearn?
Kramer: Oh yes, yes, I yearn. Often, I sit, and I yearn. Have you yearned?
George: No, not recently. I crave. I crave all the time -- constant craving. But I haven't yearned.
And they get caught in a match of what is the purpose of life. George defends himself as Kramer pulls it out of him that George has no job, no money, no girlfriend, no prospects -- his only reason of living to get the daily news. And we laugh. It's hilarious because we can relate.
Yearning is such a funny word, yet it's the core of what drives us to action that keep us alive and fulfilled. I love the image of Kramer sitting in his house looking out his window and ...yearning. Yearning is a skill and capacity that when developed leads us to take actions which bring us greater satisfaction. The opportunity to meet our yearnings as we go about our days is what allows us to feel like we are living meaningful lives.
One of our problems is that we have learned to NOT yearn. We have learned to tell ourselves "that's okay, I'm fine", "I think I'm better off alone", "maybe my opinion doesn't matter so much", "whatever...". And when we numb ourselves with food, alcohol, television, and all the distractions that are so prevalent in our lives, we numb our yearning and we begin to forget what it is we so deeply yearned for in the first place.
What are yearnings? Try these on and see how it feels when you read them: I yearn to love, to be loved, to matter, to belong, to contribute, to connect, to be seen, to inspire, to make a different, to be heard. Underneath all behavior lies a yearning. A child acting out in school, throwing a tantrum? Perhaps she yearns to be seen and known, to have some attention. A teenager --or, er, adult -- takes 20 selfies before posting the best one? That is a yearning to belong and be accepted.
If we can learn to tie our daily tasks and goals to yearnings that we have, we will get more depth and substance out of life. I have an example: Twice a week I go to orchestra practice. It's a pain to get there, annoying, it takes time, and sometimes I do not want to go! Because it is so deeply tied to my yearning of connecting, experiencing aliveness, and for the mastery of excellent playing, I find myself excited to go and get myself there.
What are the goals that you have already set for yourself this year and what yearnings are they tied to? Does it help you feel more excited to go for these goals now that you know they are tied to something more? Hope you will continue to look at your yearnings and continue to make moves every day to take action to meet them.