Men holding space for men.

I just had an inspiring coaching call with a man who has been consciously engaging in developing his leadership and influence through increasing his social and emotional awareness.

He has been working hard to eradicate some personal habits that have numbed his feelings for the past 40 years, and overcome the programming telling him that it is not manly to be afraid and to express pain. It has been hard work. Hard to go back to the painful places, hard to acknowledge he has needs, and hard to claim the helplessness he feels, especially now. This is a guy whose loyalty is so fierce that nothing could get in the way of him protecting his family and friends. And it's hard to protect those he loves from the events of 2020. Hard to protect from the effects of systemic racism, from addiction, from disease, from the errs of our country's leaders' decision-making.

However, in the midst of doing this hard work, he just celebrated with me -- tears streaming down his face -- that the men he has been building relationships with are now coming to him in their pain. One friend in particular experienced an unimaginable loss and rather than a hearty pat on the back and grumbled out "sorry, man", he risked to reach out again to this friend to share the importance of feeling the loss, invading his bubble of solitude to be with him in a very uncomfortable time. My client doesn't understand why he is crying so hard -- his friend's pain is not his pain, so why does it effect him so? Ahh. But it is his pain. As we open ourselves to others' pain, we get present to our own -- our pain, fears, deep sadness and loss during this very difficult year. And, aren't we all feeling these things about our future?

Are you a woman who loves a man? Are you aware lately if he is afraid, or sad, and are you aware of any messages you communicate letting him know that it is okay, or not, to feel?

Are you a man reading this and think it's powerful, or not, to hold space for your male friends to cry? Would you like that for yourself?

I am writing this because I was deeply moved by the commitment of this one man to create a space for the men in his life. That is revolutionary. But, we are all carrying pain. Rather than project this pain onto others and judge them or feel sorry for them, it's revolutionary for us to feel our own pain. Let's hold space for ourselves and each other. Let's feel our own piece of the pain so we can help carry the load and help heal our world.